97 replies to this topic

[iargue]

Whenever things start changing, or cease going how I want them to go. I become self destructive. I start doing everything wrong, and end up actually ruining things. I don't actually how how to stop it, its just how I am. So the question that I have is, are you self destructive?

When things start to go wrong, do you do everything wrong and ruin it? Do you just relax and hope for the best? Do you just push everyone away?

[luvsmyncis]

I always try to push people away, even when things are going good.

[iargue]

I always try to push people away, even when things are going good.

self defense, or do you just hate people?

[Marukozu]

When everything is going wrong, all I do is calm myself and little by little try to revert de situation. Last year I had this test in the university, in the first question, I had this math problem and it was pretty easy, but I just couldn't do it, I was freakign out I needed at least a 7 (grades here are scale 1 to 10), then I just closed my eyes, breath in breath out and then everything became so clear, I spent like half an hour in that question, then everything came swiftly, so yeah, when everything goes wrong I just try to get out of the situation and make it better. So well thats me

[Tetiel]

You need to learn how to handle stressful situations better, then. When things go wrong, instead of being the typical warm, friendly person that I am, I turn the opposite to cold and logical because clearly warm and friendly isn't doing the trick. It's odd, it's much like a switch. I just don't like the person that I am when I need to change, though, so I try to avoid it. It's helped me get through a lot of conflicts where feelings just aren't needed.

Logically, pushing everyone away is just silly. You need to step back and see the situation for what it is. If it's too personal, you need to talk to third party who isn't involved and get their input about it. Sometimes things are too close to see clearly.

[iargue]

When everything is going wrong, all I do is calm myself and little by little try to revert de situation. Last year I had this test in the university, in the first question, I had this math problem and it was pretty easy, but I just couldn't do it, I was freakign out I needed at least a 7 (grades here are scale 1 to 10), then I just closed my eyes, breath in breath out and then everything became so clear, I spent like half an hour in that question, then everything came swiftly, so yeah, when everything goes wrong I just try to get out of the situation and make it better. So well thats me

Does this also apply to your relationships with people, and to being in trouble with the law?

[Pyro699]

I think she just hates people...

I use to be self destructive, in a much more physical way -.- Suicidal thoughts, self-damaging, etc.... and now that im 'better' i just realize how stupid all that stuff is... You have one lifetime on this earth, why spend it being depressed over things you cannot control. Its not like acting in such a way will ever improve your situation. I use to push people away in those situations, but this current situation im in with kayla (for those of you that know) ive found that just having good friends around to help distract me of it helps a ton.

Best of luck argue

[iargue]

You need to learn how to handle stressful situations better, then. When things go wrong, instead of being the typical warm, friendly person that I am, I turn the opposite to cold and logical because clearly warm and friendly isn't doing the trick. It's odd, it's much like a switch. I just don't like the person that I am when I need to change, though, so I try to avoid it. It's helped me get through a lot of conflicts where feelings just aren't needed.

Logically, pushing everyone away is just silly. You need to step back and see the situation for what it is. If it's too personal, you need to talk to third party who isn't involved and get their input about it. Sometimes things are too close to see clearly.

Third parties never seem to be in my favor

Did being cold and logical ever change the situation so that way everything went better, or did it just end and you moved on?

[Elle]

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Edited by Elle, 02 June 2011 - 08:24 AM.

[luvsmyncis]

I just hate people, generally.

But back to the original topic, I don't think I am self destructive. I'm incredibly frightened of failure, to the point where I have horrible anxiety about tests and what not. But I don't think to myself, "This is hopeless. I know what will make me feel better! I'm going to fail ON PURPOSE." Sometimes if you wait for what's coming, it turns out it wasn't as bad as you expected. Then you look back on it and see all the time you wasted fretting over something and feel like a moron.

Why? What are you going to ruin?

[iargue]

I think she just hates people...

I use to be self destructive, in a much more physical way -.- Suicidal thoughts, self-damaging, etc.... and now that im 'better' i just realize how stupid all that stuff is... You have one lifetime on this earth, why spend it being depressed over things you cannot control. Its not like acting in such a way will ever improve your situation. I use to push people away in those situations, but this current situation im in with kayla (for those of you that know) ive found that just having good friends around to help distract me of it helps a ton.

Best of luck argue

I don't need luck Just time

How did you act during the period where she cheated on you?

I just hate people, generally.

But back to the original topic, I don't think I am self destructive. I'm incredibly frightened of failure, to the point where I have horrible anxiety about tests and what not. But I don't think to myself, "This is hopeless. I know what will make me feel better! I'm going to fail ON PURPOSE." Sometimes if you wait for what's coming, it turns out it wasn't as bad as you expected. Then you look back on it and see all the time you wasted fretting over something and feel like a moron.

Why? What are you going to ruin?

I think I already ruined it. It doesn't matter though. I have to just deal with it and not worry about things.

And Shadow does things like that, he freaks out a lot over things, as his way of coping.

[Pyro699]

It has NEVER - EVER helped me, and before you jump to the conclusion that it has only happened to me 3 or 4 times... in the span of a year, i got rejected nearly 26 times -.- and each and every one of them got my hopes up just a little more... i kept thinking "maybe she is different, maybe she is the one" then to only have her turn around and just walk away... being cold and emotionless only worsened the situation, because not only did i lose someone i thought was close to me, i lost them all together...

[iargue]

Yeah. Caring about others isn't getting me anywhere. I should take a break from that.

But this isn't about me

Answer the question?

It has NEVER - EVER helped me, and before you jump to the conclusion that it has only happened to me 3 or 4 times... in the span of a year, i got rejected nearly 26 times -.- and each and every one of them got my hopes up just a little more... i kept thinking "maybe she is different, maybe she is the one" then to only have her turn around and just walk away... being cold and emotionless only worsened the situation, because not only did i lose someone i thought was close to me, i lost them all together...

Do you want someone in your life that would do that to you though? Would it be better to keep them as a friend, knowing what happened, or to just move on?

[Tetiel]

Third parties never seem to be in my favor

Did being cold and logical ever change the situation so that way everything went better, or did it just end and you moved on?

Yes, it did as it depends completely on the type of person you're dealing with. Changing that part of me temporarily allows me to just stop thinking about what needs to be done, and do it despite my feelings about the consequences because it is the logical choice. With the way I am, I do not want to ever purposefully hurt anyone, but at times there is no real choice. Eventually, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

You don't know me, I don't expect you to trust me, but if you ever need a 3rd party view on something, you can PM me and I can try to set you on the right path.

[Elle]

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Edited by Elle, 02 June 2011 - 08:24 AM.

[Pyro699]

When Kayla cheated on me, i had my cry... got a little upset... then found something to take my mind off it... At the time i was down in Victoria (British Columbia, Canada) and having a beach near by was something new to me... so every morning at 5am, id get up (unless i was already awake) and go watch the sunrise over the ocean... There are no words i can really describe to how it made me feel... i could probably toss in some analogy about how even when the sun goes down, it always comes back up... but just being able to share something with myself that i knew no-one could take away, was really nice to have. Then when i came hope, we fought a bit, and then patched things up, they were ok for a while after that then more problems started xD

Dont let go of who you are.

[iargue]

I'm honestly curious about how other people deal with things. I know how I deal with stuff, and I do it completely wrong. So I would like to know how other people deal with their situations, and the results it gives.

When Kayla cheated on me, i had my cry... got a little upset... then found something to take my mind off it... At the time i was down in Victoria (British Columbia, Canada) and having a beach near by was something new to me... so every morning at 5am, id get up (unless i was already awake) and go watch the sunrise over the ocean... There are no words i can really describe to how it made me feel... i could probably toss in some analogy about how even when the sun goes down, it always comes back up... but just being able to share something with myself that i knew no-one could take away, was really nice to have. Then when i came hope, we fought a bit, and then patched things up, they were ok for a while after that then more problems started xD

Dont let go of who you are.

So you just retreated inside of yourself until you where ready to continue?

Yes, it did as it depends completely on the type of person you're dealing with. Changing that part of me temporarily allows me to just stop thinking about what needs to be done, and do it despite my feelings about the consequences because it is the logical choice. With the way I am, I do not want to ever purposefully hurt anyone, but at times there is no real choice. Eventually, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

You don't know me, I don't expect you to trust me, but if you ever need a 3rd party view on something, you can PM me and I can try to set you on the right path.

What about in a situation where you are not the one in control of making decisions?

[Pyro699]

Seish, your asking questions before i can write the answer to the last one XD

I would rather have kept them as a friend. Especially knowing now how friends can help you out when you need them the most. At that point in time i was all alone... no friends... no girl friend... and i was just really depressed -.-

[Elle]

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Edited by Elle, 02 June 2011 - 08:25 AM.

[Pyro699]

I went away for an hour every morning to deal with the problem alone... Then continued on with the rest of the day as if nothing was wrong; just knowing that the sun would be there for me in the morning so i could deal with the problems then was all i needed.

[luvsmyncis]

Yeah. Caring about others isn't getting me anywhere. I should take a break from that.

She didn't say stop 'caring' about others. She said stop 'relying' on people. It's one thing to accept and care for a person for who they are, despite their personality flaws, and it's another thing to rely on them. You can care about people without relying on them. Example: I am in love with someone, but I can never rely on that motherfucker to be on time for ANYTHING.

You should lower your expectations of people, that way you won't be so crushed when it turns out they suck, and you might be pleasantly surprised when they don't suck.

[iargue]

Seish, your asking questions before i can write the answer to the last one XD

I would rather have kept them as a friend. Especially knowing now how friends can help you out when you need them the most. At that point in time i was all alone... no friends... no girl friend... and i was just really depressed -.-

Do you worry that they will just end up using you, by playing on the fact that you cared about them, to cheer them up, and then leave you exactly where you were before?

And yeah, having no one is usually worse then having someone.

Do we? Are we all in the loop?
For all I know, he's having issues at work.



She didn't say stop 'caring' about others. She said stop 'relying' on people. It's one thing to accept and care for a person for who they are, despite their personality flaws, and it's another thing to rely on them. You can care about people without relying on them. Example: I am in love with someone, but I can never rely on that motherfucker to be on time for ANYTHING.

You should lower your expectations of people, that way you won't be so crushed when it turns out they suck, and you might be pleasantly surprised when they don't suck.

I don't rely on anyone for anything. I refuse to do that until I am married at this point. Its blatantly obvious that it gets me hurt. But people always confuse the fact that I care about them for being reliant on them.

I suppose I care to much

[Pyro699]

Yeah, thats exactly what they did argue... they waited until i made them happy and then left me for someone else...

[Tetiel]

What about in a situation where you are not the one in control of making decisions?

And that is what I'm not good at. I like having at least some form of control. I tend to panic and have dreams about the worst scenario in situations where I'm not in control and have done all that I can already. I just try to constantly tell myself to relax and stop thinking about it. Que sera sera. It drives me nuts in the cases of applications, because I know that if they met me or interviewed me, I could persuade them in my favor. It's arrogant, I know, but I do very well in those situations.

[iargue]

I went away for an hour every morning to deal with the problem alone... Then continued on with the rest of the day as if nothing was wrong; just knowing that the sun would be there for me in the morning so i could deal with the problems then was all i needed.

Yeah. But the sun was there for everyone

And that is what I'm not good at. I like having at least some form of control. I tend to panic and have dreams about the worst scenario in situations where I'm not in control and have done all that I can already. I just try to constantly tell myself to relax and stop thinking about it. Que sera sera. It drives me nuts in the cases of applications, because I know that if they met me or interviewed me, I could persuade them in my favor. It's arrogant, I know, but I do very well in those situations.

Yeah. I've never been denied a job that I got an interview for, but all of the applications that go on without a callback or anything. I hate that situation a lot. Also whenever I am doing an essay or something, I can picture myself explaining to the teacher my answer and why its right, but I know that they will mark it wrong and move on.

Yeah, thats exactly what they did argue... they waited until i made them happy and then left me for someone else...

And you still think it would be better to have let them do that, or would you rather have just cut them out entirely and found someone else?