120 replies to this topic

[Boggart]

Here is my question to you:

Do you think having a friends with benefits EVER works out? I do NOT mean a fuck buddy. Here's the difference:

A fuck buddy is someone you just have sex with. The end.

 

A friend with benefits is an actual FRIEND. Someone who you enjoy or at least CAN spend time with. You're friends but you just also have sex with each other every so often.

So here's my question: What would it take for a friends with benefits to work out for you. In my opinion: it would take someone attractive, busy, who loved cuddling and someone whose personality I genuinely enjoyed but had a major issue that couldn't result in a relationship. e.g. They don't want kids. They're moving in a few months/years. They're a smoker/pot user. I don't agree with their upbringing/family values. Just to name a few.

I would need someone attractive for obvious reasons. I need someone whose personality I enjoy because I want to be able to at least TALK to the person after/before and maybe even just hang out and NOT have sex since sex is gross. And I need someone busy because I'm extremely busy and I can't have someone clingy/constantly bothering me. I'm not in a relationship. We're just friends with benefits. And I've learned the hard way the upbringing of the other person really matters and no matter what you do, you can't really change that. I have an aversion to only childs. Sowwy.

 

I've been told that this will never happen (which I'm honestly fine with) and that friends with benefits in general never work. Do you have any positive or disaster stories? Does someone ALWAYS end up falling for the other? What is on your potential criteria for an FWB?

 

P.S. Sex is still gross and this is all hypothetical.

[Mishelle]

I've had 2 friends with benefits type situations. One didn't work out because we had a history, so yeah obvious disaster. But my last one actually went really well and ended on good terms. Mostly because it was just really casual. Like you can't hang out with your fwb every day and spend a ton of time together, you're pretty much in a relationship at that point. I think they can work but only when both parties realize their boundaries and accept the fact that they're supposed to have an eventual expiration date. 

[Tubbz]

Your definition of a fuck buddy does not work in my head. 

 

How the hell do you have someone you just have sex with?  

Seriously, I won't even fuck a prostitute who can't hold half a conversation. 

 

I think a friend with benefits is exactly what any kind of fuck buddy should be, someone you can hang out with, enjoy yourself with and then have sex with. 

It's like a boyfriend/girlfriend without exclusivity and people getting pissed off because you do stupid shit when drunk. 

 

That said, I think if you're friends first,and you fall into that, it makes going back to just being friends awkward. 

[luvsmyncis]

Seems complicated, because not only does it involve sex (which I'm almost never in the mood for), but it also involves friendship (which I'm literally never in the mood for).

[Bone]

Your definition of a fuck buddy does not work in my head. 

 

How the hell do you have someone you just have sex with?  

 

Do you need a tutorial?

[Tubbz]

Do you need a tutorial?

 

No as I went on to explain, there needs to be a tiny amount of social compatibility for the other bit to actually happen. 

[Kat]

I don't think I personally could ever have a fuck buddy/friends with benefits. I've done sexual things with a couple people I wasn't in a relationship with, and it wasn't the same, not even close. The emotional aspect of sex is really important to me. BUT I don't judge anyone else that does that sort of thing, it's just not for me. How you feel about sex is your own to decide.

 

However, I've had many friends and friends of friends who have these types of relationships.. and it fails every. single. time. Whether it's their personality or the other's, I don't know. I don't think FWB are always destined to fail, but for the majority of people it's probably not for them. Also.. don't do it with someone you are not willing to lose as your friend.

[Boggart]

Your definition of a fuck buddy does not work in my head. 

 

How the hell do you have someone you just have sex with?  

Wat

 

Just because you can't do that doesn't mean others/MANY PEOPLE can't just have sex to have sex.

A fuck buddy is basically a booty call. You never talk, you say "hey I'm horny", you have sex, then you leave. I couldn't do it either, but it doesn't mean many many many others don't.

I don't think I personally could ever have a fuck buddy/friends with benefits. I've done sexual things with a couple people I wasn't in a relationship with, and it wasn't the same, not even close. The emotional aspect of sex is really important to me. BUT I don't judge anyone else that does that sort of thing, it's just not for me. How you feel about sex is your own to decide.

 

However, I've had many friends and friends of friends who have these types of relationships.. and it fails every. single. time. Whether it's their personality or the other's, I don't know. I don't think FWB are always destined to fail, but for the majority of people it's probably not for them. Also.. don't do it with someone you are not willing to lose as your friend.

Yeah that's true. There is basically one person who falls under my "potential category" of an FWB but I don't want to lose them as a friend. and he says the same thing

I can't enjoy anything sexual if I don't like the person and feel comfortable being around them (since I'd be unclothed and that's disgusting).

[NapisaurusRex]

Yung and I started as fuck buddies, progressed to friends with benefits, and are currently living in sin with 3 kids.

You decide.

[Boggart]

Yung and I started as fuck buddies, progressed to friends with benefits, and are currently living in sin with 3 kids.

You decide.

were you literally fuck buddies, or were you friends with benefits?

[NapisaurusRex]

We were literally fuck buddies, then he decided I was an ok person and we became friends and still had sex sometimes.

Edited by Napiform, 03 December 2013 - 09:33 AM.

[Dan]

There is basically one person who falls under my "potential category" of an FWB but I don't want to lose them as a friend. and he says the same thing

 

For the last time, the answer is NO. 

[Tubbz]

Wat

 

Just because you can't do that doesn't mean others/MANY PEOPLE can't just have sex to have sex.

A fuck buddy is basically a booty call. You never talk, you say "hey I'm horny", you have sex, then you leave. I couldn't do it either, but it doesn't mean many many many others don't.

 

Kind of removes the "buddy" part of it. 

 

The point I was making was, how do you have sex with someone who you have completely indifferent feelings towards? 

 

I understand it to a point, but to never have contact except when having sex? Seriously, no contact other than that, I just don't know how that happens. 

[Fikri]

i can't offer any input on the discussion whatsoever. i'm still a virgin lol.

[Bone]

Kind of removes the "buddy" part of it.

The point I was making was, how do you have sex with someone who you have completely indifferent feelings towards?

I understand it to a point, but to never have contact except when having sex? Seriously, no contact other than that, I just don't know how that happens.

Condescension guised as mock incredulousness isn't cool.

[gemificus]

i have a friend i do that with, works out ok for us, sort of a we hang out, go for drinks, talk and text, and if one of us is feeling a lil... *cough* well i don't need to paint a picture... i'd never have a relationship with her cos shes sooo not my type and also.. we fall out alot cos shes a flake.. always canceling plans at the last minuet or making excuses as to why she can't hang out and then going out with a diff mate... she's a fickle as i am lol

[Derpy]

I think it could work out as long as the two individuals aren't the type to be all dramadramadrama. Gotta be mature about this stuff and whatnot.

I personally think sex is icky and so is socializing. I wish people would just leave me alone in my cave so I can play video games and read by myself.

[L33T]

I've never been in a FWB situation before and don't think I care to be either.. I value being in a relationship much more.

[Derriere]

i can't offer any input on the discussion whatsoever. i'm still a virgin lol.

why would you even make this comment
it's that much sadder.

damn

[Fikri]

why would you even make this comment
it's that much sadder.

damn

 

preserving virginity for marriage is sad?

[Boggart]

Kind of removes the "buddy" part of it. 

 

The point I was making was, how do you have sex with someone who you have completely indifferent feelings towards? 

 

I understand it to a point, but to never have contact except when having sex? Seriously, no contact other than that, I just don't know how that happens. 

Ask Bone or Cronus

preserving virginity for marriage is sad?

yes?

[Derriere]

preserving virginity for marriage is sad?

no. it's not.

but your comment was.

2 things:

1. if you can't "offer any input at all", why bother posting?
2. AND it was even more unnecessary to mention that you're a virgin. and it's certainly not a valid reason to why you can't offer any input. 

haven't you ever had any sexual fantasies? 

 

 

P.S. Sex is still gross and this is all hypothetical.

[L33T]

I don't want to bring any religion fights or shit into this, but why so conservative if you don't mind me asking, Stuck?

[Derriere]

I don't want to bring any religion fights or shit into this, but why so conservative if you don't mind me asking, Stuck?

he's probably not. he just can't find one.
it's just an excuse until they find someone else who actually wants to fuck them

unless he's already 25, then fuck it. can't go back on your word now LOL

[Florg]

I think it can work, it's worked out for me plenty of times over the years.

 

I've had a few FBs and FWBs over the last 14 years. Some, I was pretty good friends with. It wasn't ever awkward or weird. We were just friends and knew if we were in the mood we could text the other and see if they were in the mood and just, did it.

 

Other guys were guys that we would say hi and what-not when we see each other out and about, maybe a quick "Hi, how've you been. What have you been up to", not much conversation. We wouldn't ever "hang out" but we would every so often hit one another up and play around.

 

There have been a few I developed feelings for but knew, when it came to the FBs that when it comes to a relationship, that's not the type of person I want to date and it likely wouldn't work out because I would question if they stopped having FBs or not.
I have a FWBs guy who hits me up and we hang out, grab coffee when he's in town and have sex. I like him, he likes me but we both know it wouldn't work out for the two of us.

 

I guess I've been lucky in that there's always an understanding from both parties. I'm very selective in who I hookup with, so it's a small group of people (over the course of 14 years mind you I'm not THAT promiscuous) and there's never been any issues.