New Opinon
After reading it again, I suppose I have a new outlook on the article. It's good that it's becoming normal, but this is also in Massachusetts (hello, we're the only state to legalize gay marriage), and why does this kid get an article? Isn't our goal as homosexuals, TG's, etc. to become considered normal? How can we possibly be considered normal if we get articles that focus on our sexuality making it seem so absurd that something has to written about it?
I guess another point I'd like to bring up is that this kid didn't really endure any hardship when he was in the closet and after he came out. I know guys that have been thrown out of their home after their parents found out about their sexuality - that seems like it would be more effective then a short biography on some kid who just happened to be gay and nothing in his life became significantly worse after people found out. Sending the message that his life was better after he came out suggests that there's nothing wrong America's few on the homosexual population when there is.
Also, the thing about the girl telling everyone had to be expected, right? I mean, when I came out at my old school it spread like wildfire, and here at my current school when people discovered that I was, it also got around quickly.
Yeah, I've changed my viewpoint on this article. This kid is a legit attentionwhore.
QUOTE
ONE month before Zach O’Connor, a seventh grader at Brown Middle School here, came out about being gay, he was in such turmoil that he stood up in homeroom and, in a voice everyone could hear, asked a girl out on a date. It was Valentine’s Day 2003, and Zach was 13.
“I was doing this to survive,†he says. “This is what other guys were doing, getting girlfriends. I should get one, too.â€Â
He feared his parents knew the truth about him. He knew that his father had typed in a Google search starting with “g,†and several other recent “g†searches had popped up, including “gay.â€Â
“They asked me, ‘Do you know what being gay is?’ †he recalls. “They tried to explain there’s nothing wrong with it. I put my hands over my ears. I yelled: ‘I don’t want to hear it! I’m not, I’m not gay!’ â€Â
Cindy and Dan O’Connor were very worried about Zach. Though bright, he was doing poorly at school. At home, he would pick fights, slam doors, explode for no reason. They wondered how their two children could be so different; Matt, a year and a half younger, was easygoing and happy. Zach was miserable.
The O’Connors had hunches. Mr. O’Connor is a director of business development for American Express, Ms. O’Connor a senior vice president of a bank, and they have had gay colleagues, gay bosses, classmates who came out after college. From the time Zach was little, they knew he was not a run-of-the-mill boy. His friends were girls or timid boys.
“Zach had no interest in throwing a football,†Mr. O’Connor says. But their real worry was his anger, his unhappiness, his low self-esteem. “He’d say: ‘I’m not smart. I’m not like other kids,’ †says Ms. O’Connor. The middle-school psychologist started seeing him daily.
The misery Zach caused was minor compared with the misery he felt. He says he knew he was different by kindergarten, but he had no name for it, so he would stay to himself. He tried sports, but, he says, “It didn’t work out well.†He couldn’t remember the rules. In fifth grade, when boys at recess were talking about girls they had crushes on, Zach did not have someone to name.
By sixth grade, he knew what “gay†meant, but didn’t associate it with himself. That year, he says: “I had a crush on one particular eighth-grade boy, a very straight jock. I knew whatever I was feeling I shouldn’t talk about it.†He considered himself a broken version of a human being. “I did think about suicide,†he says.
Then, for reasons he can’t wholly explain beyond pure desperation, a month after his Valentine “date† “We never actually went out, just walked around school together† in the midst of math class, he told a female friend. By day’s end it was all over school. The psychologist called him in. “I burst into tears,†he recalls. “I said, ‘Yes, it’s true.’ Every piece of depression came pouring out. It was such a mess.â€Â
That night, when his mother got home from work, she stuck her head in his room to say hi. “I said, ‘Ma, I need to talk to you about something, I’m gay.’ She said, ‘O.K., anything else?’ ‘No, but I just told you I’m gay.’ ‘O.K., that’s fine, we still love you.’ I said, ‘That’s it?’ I was preparing for this really dramatic moment.â€Â
Ms. O’Connor recalls, “He said, ‘Mom, aren’t you going to freak out?’ I said: ‘It’s up to you to decide who to love. I have your father, and you have to figure out what’s best for you.’ He said, ‘Don’t tell Dad.’ â€Â
“Of course I told him,†Ms. O’Connor says.
“With all our faults,†Mr. O’Connor says, “we’re in this together.â€Â
Having a son come out so young was a lot of work for the parents. They found him a therapist who is gay 20 miles away in New Haven. The therapist helped them find a gay youth group, OutSpoken, a 50-minute drive away in Norwalk.
Dan Woog, a writer and longtime soccer coach at Staples High in Westport, helped found OutSpoken in 1993. He says for the first 10 years, the typical member was 17 to 22 years old. “They’d come in saying: ‘I’m gay. My life is over,’ †Mr. Woog says. “One literally hyperventilated walking through the door.â€Â
But in recent years, he says, the kids are 14 to 17 and more confident. “They say: ‘Hi, I’m gay. How do I meet people?’ â€Â
“I was doing this to survive,†he says. “This is what other guys were doing, getting girlfriends. I should get one, too.â€Â
He feared his parents knew the truth about him. He knew that his father had typed in a Google search starting with “g,†and several other recent “g†searches had popped up, including “gay.â€Â
“They asked me, ‘Do you know what being gay is?’ †he recalls. “They tried to explain there’s nothing wrong with it. I put my hands over my ears. I yelled: ‘I don’t want to hear it! I’m not, I’m not gay!’ â€Â
Cindy and Dan O’Connor were very worried about Zach. Though bright, he was doing poorly at school. At home, he would pick fights, slam doors, explode for no reason. They wondered how their two children could be so different; Matt, a year and a half younger, was easygoing and happy. Zach was miserable.
The O’Connors had hunches. Mr. O’Connor is a director of business development for American Express, Ms. O’Connor a senior vice president of a bank, and they have had gay colleagues, gay bosses, classmates who came out after college. From the time Zach was little, they knew he was not a run-of-the-mill boy. His friends were girls or timid boys.
“Zach had no interest in throwing a football,†Mr. O’Connor says. But their real worry was his anger, his unhappiness, his low self-esteem. “He’d say: ‘I’m not smart. I’m not like other kids,’ †says Ms. O’Connor. The middle-school psychologist started seeing him daily.
The misery Zach caused was minor compared with the misery he felt. He says he knew he was different by kindergarten, but he had no name for it, so he would stay to himself. He tried sports, but, he says, “It didn’t work out well.†He couldn’t remember the rules. In fifth grade, when boys at recess were talking about girls they had crushes on, Zach did not have someone to name.
By sixth grade, he knew what “gay†meant, but didn’t associate it with himself. That year, he says: “I had a crush on one particular eighth-grade boy, a very straight jock. I knew whatever I was feeling I shouldn’t talk about it.†He considered himself a broken version of a human being. “I did think about suicide,†he says.
Then, for reasons he can’t wholly explain beyond pure desperation, a month after his Valentine “date† “We never actually went out, just walked around school together† in the midst of math class, he told a female friend. By day’s end it was all over school. The psychologist called him in. “I burst into tears,†he recalls. “I said, ‘Yes, it’s true.’ Every piece of depression came pouring out. It was such a mess.â€Â
That night, when his mother got home from work, she stuck her head in his room to say hi. “I said, ‘Ma, I need to talk to you about something, I’m gay.’ She said, ‘O.K., anything else?’ ‘No, but I just told you I’m gay.’ ‘O.K., that’s fine, we still love you.’ I said, ‘That’s it?’ I was preparing for this really dramatic moment.â€Â
Ms. O’Connor recalls, “He said, ‘Mom, aren’t you going to freak out?’ I said: ‘It’s up to you to decide who to love. I have your father, and you have to figure out what’s best for you.’ He said, ‘Don’t tell Dad.’ â€Â
“Of course I told him,†Ms. O’Connor says.
“With all our faults,†Mr. O’Connor says, “we’re in this together.â€Â
Having a son come out so young was a lot of work for the parents. They found him a therapist who is gay 20 miles away in New Haven. The therapist helped them find a gay youth group, OutSpoken, a 50-minute drive away in Norwalk.
Dan Woog, a writer and longtime soccer coach at Staples High in Westport, helped found OutSpoken in 1993. He says for the first 10 years, the typical member was 17 to 22 years old. “They’d come in saying: ‘I’m gay. My life is over,’ †Mr. Woog says. “One literally hyperventilated walking through the door.â€Â
But in recent years, he says, the kids are 14 to 17 and more confident. “They say: ‘Hi, I’m gay. How do I meet people?’ â€Â
Edited by Urban, 03 April 2007 - 05:29 PM.
